It's been over a week now….I'm just now able to put into words without sobbing that my loyal companion and best friend is gone.

It was last Saturday, Feb 9th at 4:45pm when she took her last breath, I held her in my arms, her face embraced by Austin's hands, we kissed her frail little head as she passed and we could see her spirit leave her eyes…. I'm crying now uncontrollably as I type. I miss her so much.

My worst nightmare happened, when last Saturday morning she awoke and nothing was out of the ordinary….until later that afternoon when I noticed she was in severe pain, we drove her quickly to the vet clinic…..I then became face to face with that dreaded decision….and then she was gone.  If someone would have told me last Saturday morning that she would be gone by the evening, I wouldn't have believed it.

For exactly 16 years she's been my constant in every aspect of my life and I just can't believe her beautiful soul is gone. I want so bad to hug her one more time. I have a void….I miss her…I miss so many things about her…I miss her presence, I miss her bark, I miss taking her for walks, I miss giving her those silly scooby snacks and making her do a "trick" for them, most of all- I miss coming home and having her here to greet me, happy to see me, wagging her tail. 

Roxie was more than I ever imagined a dog could or would be. She was so smart, smarter than most people I know…she loved me for 16 years unconditionally. She surprised me often with her ability to sense things. She cared for me in her own little way, whether it was just sitting beside me when I was upset and putting her little paw on my arm or keeping me company late at night as I studied my way through nursing school. She brought me so much joy and happiness. She was like a rock in my life, I grew to depend on her as much as she depended on me. She was my very BEST friend, always loyal, always faithful, always there, always strong. Over the years, as she grew older, she became more of a baby to me and Austin, but that was OK, I loved caring for her. I could never repay the care and love she gave me, she gave us…  She is etched into my heart and my memory forever. 

I miss you my little "woo" dog. 

I know my Dog is old. She is 16. She will be 17 later this year, if she lives that long. I get so tired of people giving me the "look". Like they know! For whatever reason some people think skinny = suffering. WRONG! I know this animal better than ANYBODY! She has been my constant companion for more than half of my life! 

I will NOT let her suffer. I will NOT let her live in pain. She still has quality of life left and that's all that matters!!!!!

LET ME REPEAT- THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Amazingly she still plays. She's still interested in playing fetch with her stuffed toys. She still greets me at the door when I first come home. She's still wagging her tail. She still "jumps" for a scooby snack. She still barks when Austin is play fighting with me. She still comforts me when I'm upset. Her mind is completely intact…… oh but no, she should be put down, right?

I KNOW she will not eat DOG food anymore. I don't care as long as she is still interested in eating something. For the first time in her life I give her whatever she wants. Today it is sliced deli turkey. Last week it was Wendy's crispy chicken sandwiches. No matter, she eats.

 
I know she is skinny! I see her everyday. If I hear anyone say -she should be "put down" because she is skinny then they are NOT my friends or family! They are just STUPID!

So, why do I feel the need to justify myself on public blog? Because I'm sick of the judgmental looks. People act as though I should Kill her just because she is skinny! and I'm sick of it. Like it's the humane thing to do within their moral minds. You don't live with my dog! You don't see her everyday! and YOU don't take care of her! She's OLD people! She's OLD.  She is NOT suffering. She's NOT a "vegetable"! She is skinny and OLD.

I know, she may die tomorrow, or she may die next month, or I may have to make the decision. The decision of whether her life is not quality and determine the MOST APPROPRIATE action with the help of my veterinarian. Will I eventually have to "put her down"? Quite possibly, I know. And I know it could be soon, very soon. Either way, it is MY decision.  

Today is the anniversary of my friend Jamie's Death. I still miss you! I went to your grave today and left you a note. I hope you see it. 

Finally here! 2008, AC and I spent the day doing a whole lot of nothing.

The Christmas tree is still up…I know, we're a couple of slackers, we woke up at Kelly's on New Years and thank you Kelly!!! ….and spent the rest of the day watching movies and eating pizza, yes I ate some pizza….slacking = code word for New Years.

So, now it's Jan 2nd and I'm refreshed, working on a project for work, and I thought I'd write again, take a break and be positive, mentally preparing a list for resolutions for self improvement, motivation, and organization….. this will take some time.

The past week has been really fun, My in-laws were here for 4 days and things got silly!*note to self*-  do not let my sister in law in on where the liquor is stashed! The girl can drink and you'd never know it! it's all in good fun,

Christmas was really pretty, AC broke our "rule" and bought me the prettiest sapphire and diamond necklace and earrings! He luvs me lots! We went to see "Sweeney Todd" Christmas night and to my surprise so did hundreds of others!!!   Christmas night and literally ALL the theaters all over the metro area were packed! Running into Nate and Ashley was a surprise, Funny Nate didn't know it was a musical.

I want to see it again! Be still my Sweeney Heart!!!

New years so far = hanging out with friends, AC and I joined Amanda, Linzy and Thomas for dinner at PF Changs' Sunday, and New Years Eve we joined Kelly and Tate for fun and partying, woohoo.. thanks Yall'

New Year's fotos click now!

Just a few pics over the past week. Life's grand, 2008-"steady as she goes"…. 

It's been quite a while since I felt like writing. Now I sit here drinking a glass of pinot grigio and I want to write. I don't care if anyone sees my thoughts, I'm just glad to put things into words. 2007 is almost over. It's 2 days until New Years, and I've never looked more forward to a New Year than now. Now more than ever. 2007 has defeated me and I hate it. I want it to end.

So, I will make a list of the things that stand out to me in the 007 year of Hell. Yes, it has been a Hellish year- I want to KILL the grim reaper! The grim reaper sucks! OH well, 2007 may have sucked for me, but at least I'm not Britney Spears!!!!

Good things:

I got BOOBS!! Nothing compares and I have NO regrets, best thing that I ever did for myself!

My Credit Score passed 700! Finally, I join the responsible yuppies

I bought my little Honda Civic "all by myself", an awesome little car- no wasting money on gas for me!

After being laid off, I finally have a new job with a similar company, the result remains to be seen…

Tate and Kelly got engaged, I'm so happy for both of them

Bad:

Jamie died. She was beautiful, one of my best friends since age 2. My first memories are of Jamie. It's not fair that she's gone. She was a young mother with so much life. Why is she gone???

My saintly Aunt died. How can the end result of someone who did nothing but good and gave to so many be death? I don't understand…

Marie lost someone very special to her. He was young, too young to die…

Cindy lost her BT. Animals are LOVED ones

My Roxy is aging rapidly. As I pet her precious head, I can feel the bones that make up her skull. She has become so thin, so emaciated…She will not be here, alive for much longer and I HATE it! My dog, has been my best friend for 16 years, I can not imagine my life without her in it! What will I do? Is it selfish of me to want her around forever???? I love this precious creature and I don't want her to leave….

Laid off from the best job I ever had…I miss it

NEW York LIfe= New York Hell. I just want to say- Chad Franks of New York Life in Jackson, MS is a passive aggressive fraudulent liar with a fake game show smile. 6 months of my life that I can not get back.

No Pregnancy as of yet

So, I have a new year's resolution list for 2008. I can't wait to get started. I'm determined to prevent the events of 2007 from repeating. 2007 can die, in fact, the grim reaper has my permission to feast on 2007. As the year draws to a close, Christmas just passed, which was beautiful. AC and I had a wonderful holiday with the families, definitely some interesting drama, good food, and sweet gifts! AC is a perfect hubbie- I'm so glad I have him. We have a plan for the pregnancy quest, the result remains to be seen… 2008 bring it on! because 2007's already been braaraughten! *snap*!

I’m on my way to Milwaukee today! Be back on Friday……..Love you, honey!

I’m back, back to being myself once again, no longer lost in a sea of hurricaned confusion over career decisions. Out of the black hole, and I don’t want to visit that place again. I know there are things about myself that will forever evolve, but I now know for sure a few things I DON’t want to do with my life. It’s so easy to let things consume…but moving on

I have a great new job!! One that I’m not tormented over whether or not it is the right decision. Back to Healthcare- where I belong…after all, I spent nearly 40grand on college, Ok- let me correct that- I’m still paying for that 40grand…. And the best part so far is I get to train in MIlwaukee, Wisconsin all next week! I’ll be blowing the dust off the camera and it’s memory stick! Back to me again!!! I can’t wait. I will miss my hubby, but it’s only for a week.

So, what am I doing this week in the meantime?? PURGING…I’ve cleaned, reorganized, shredded, and I’m going to do my yearly donation to the salvation army- I wonder if they’ll take my tiny, former B bras!!! haha….

All this- while caring for a very sick dog. Roxy has a stomach ulcer…. how often to dogs get stomach ulcers??? The vet thinks it’s possibly due to all the meds she’s on. So, for now she’s on a buffet of medication….I’m encouraged that she will get better, I have to believe that.

So, here I am world, it’s me again and the more knowledgeable!

All I can think is that I am Damn LUCKY to have my awesome hubbby!!! He’s the best. No matter how ever changing life is, one thing has remained constant- the strength of our devotion.

AC is out of town, so I’m sitting in our big beautiful home, with not too much to do right now, but think. And what I think, or rather what I know is…. I really really really love my hubbie!!

Now, back to being confused- What I would give if I could just have my old job back- the one that I was laid off from. I really hate our governor right now. Thanks, Haley for ruining a perfectly good program, taking away from progress and cutting the contract that I was a part of.

I’ve had soooooo many job offers since…I took a job, and now I’m soooo confused….what to do, what to do…..

Alright, this week- starting Monday, I’m going to resolve the confusion- no matter what! I wish someone would just tell me what to do. This is crazy. Ever since I met Austin, it seems EVERYTHING in my life began to fall PERFECTLY into place. There was NO confusion. No decisions really. Everything literally seemed to work out. Like karma stepped in and made everything flow without stress or questions. Why now does life throw stress in my direction? Stress sucks and I don’t like it.

It’s 4:30 in the afternoon….I think I’ll have a drink

I just can't help myself….I just HAVE to put this video on my site so that I can watch it over and over and over….

Ville's voice just gets better and better and better….

Watch out for the "nuddy" scenes, it is European afterall….

Can’t get enough of Ville!

I can't believe anyone would actually fall for this….. Everyday, my inbox gets about 10 spams a day- you know the usual- I've won the lottery, get some viagra, buy stock, (or c*ck), all those with mispelled words….

Here's the interesting one for today. 

My name is Mr. Song Li le I work with the Hang Seng Bank

There is the sum of $19,500,000.00 in my bank"Hang Seng Bank", Hong kong.There were no beneficiaries stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come forward to claim it. That is why I ask that we work together so as to have the sun transferred out of my bank into your account. Should you be interested please send me your:-
 
1. Full names,
2. private phone number,
3. current residential address,
 
Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated, my email address is

leshmiue@yahoo.com.hk
 
Kind Regards,
Mr. Song Lile.